If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
