and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
