I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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