Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
