I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
