I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
