Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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