if you like me you must not know who I am
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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