just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
