Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
