There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
