toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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