If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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