Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
