drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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