Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
