Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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