Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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