its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
