Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
