I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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