The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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