Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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