ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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