Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
