He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
