I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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