I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
