worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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