Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
