dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
