So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
