You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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