that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I AM VODKA MAN
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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