I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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