dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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