I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
