I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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