Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
