We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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