I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
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I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love you.
Bad choice
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