my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
