if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's great music for shaving your balls
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
