Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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