im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
