You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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