oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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