I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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