they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
