is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
