Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
