I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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