Already got asked if we're dating
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
