Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
