Did you just see the Batmobile???
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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