I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
