Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
