I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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