need another drink. this is the easiest way
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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