i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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