I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
