How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my being single is dangerous.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
