Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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