This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
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When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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