I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
