i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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