and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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