I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
