you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
