Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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