Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
