I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
