shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
