just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
