so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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