I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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