You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He felt like a one man threesome
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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