the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
