I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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