she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
