I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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