I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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