Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
