So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
